So the other night, by which I mean two weeks ago or so, @ElleArmageddon, who is a person on Twitter who I do not know, but who seems terribly cool, posted the following…

“Linux distributions are just zodiac signs for nerds.”

It being late, and having consumed at least a third of my regulation nightly half a shandy, I immediately bashed out the following list, which, I feel, is both too good and too eye-gougingly awful to be left languishing In That Place Where No-One Ever Goes, ie my Twitter account, so I am now reposting it here, slightly reformatted.

Herewith, my entirely partial, totally unfair and not really very funny list of Linux Distros As Zodiac Signs, posted here, on my blog, another place Where No-One Ever Goes, but at least it’s mine, so I’ll get to vaguely take care of it:

  • Aries - DSL - No pain no gain, we don’t care how much it hurts
  • Taurus - Mint - We just want it to work
  • Gemini - OpenSUSE - Sure, we’re totally open-source
  • Cancer - Fedora - We just want to feel at home
  • Leo - Ubuntu - We want the cred but also not to have to think about it too much
  • Virgo - Slackware - Life is supposed to be difficult
  • Libra - Arch - Keep It Simple, Stupid
  • Scorpio - Kali - If I can’t hurt you with it, what’s the point?
  • Saggitarius - Gentoo - No-one realises how good we are. We know. We don’t care.
  • Capricorn - Red Hat Enterprise - We will make a fortune learning this
  • Aquarius - Debian - Ours is the only right way
  • Pisces - MacOS - It’s close enough, right?

I bet there’s another seven or eight of these lists, but I’m not looking for them.

Also I spent literally five minutes thinking about this so feel free to make your own far superior version.